The Piss Museum
BOULDER, CO- It was located in the basement of an old craftsman that had virtually no ventilation, directly across from the elementary school on Pine Street. When you walked down the stairs and into...
View ArticlePain is a Country
CHICAGO, IL- When you enter the country of Pain, they confiscate your passport. You leave behind the things and people that used to feel important and familiar, in which you used to believe. Everyone...
View ArticleIt’s The Strangest Thing
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA- I’m of two minds about posting this. Mainly because I’m worried that when my hat-wearing, bullet-riddled corpse is found on the wrong side of the border with a simultaneous...
View ArticleIn The Cold Movember Rain
WINCHESTER, ENGLAND- I feel I should write something about the city I now call home. I’ve tried, but there isn’t really anything page-worthy. I will say however, that this time I’ve been dealt a better...
View ArticleAccess Small Areas
LONDON, ENGLAND- Being disabled and not being a billionaire evil genius is a shite state of affairs. After a six year trial period, I’ve decided it’s not for me. The problem is context—context being,...
View ArticleHalloween at the Hospital
MIAMI BEACH, FL- My friend, Melissa, and I dressed up to look silly when we went to the hospital on Halloween. We do it every year because the kids get a kick out of it and we really are up for...
View ArticleSky’s the Limit
PHILADELPHIA- Show of hands, guys. How many times have you been sitting in your living room, beer in one hand, backup beer in the other, watching TV, when out of the corner of your eye you notice that...
View ArticleBefore My Father Was a Voluntary Mute
BALTIMORE, MD- When I was growing up in California, my parents had a fairly loose policy of not driving me, my sister, or my brother around town. We biked to the dentist and doctor. To go anywhere...
View ArticleFraidy Cat
AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND - My very first teacher was Mrs. Brady. She was a tall and handsome woman with a severe haircut and coke-bottle glasses. She wore modest calf length skirts with comfortable...
View ArticleMy Horrible New York Times Review
NEAR 91 DEGREES LONGITUDE- Here’s the good news. My first novel was reviewed by the New York Times. Here’s the bad news. It was a horrible review. I do not hyperbolize. It was really bad. So that you...
View ArticleWhere’s Dom?
GULF BREEZE, FL - As I’ve written about here on TNB previously, in August my 89-year-old grandmother fell and broke her hip. She had surgery, during which her hip was pinned, and did a month of...
View Article“Self-Portrait, with Noise,” by Irene Zion
Self-Portrait, with Noise Irene Zion looks into the mirror of her imagination and finds two large hands preparing to crush her head. Irene recently performed at The Nervous Breakdown’s Literary...
View ArticleIrene Zion, Live in Chicago
TNB TV Irene Zion reads at The Nervous Breakdown’s Literary Experience in Chicago on 09.22.09 at The Whistler. Video by Michael J. Weldon.
View ArticleGirl, You’ll Be a Bond Woman Soon, or, Happy Birthday Rich Ferguson, TNB Style
THE DARK RECESSES OF OUR MINDS- Rich Ferguson, because it’s your birthday and because you just make being a Bond Girl so insanely cool, we’ve run a little contest in your honor: Who Makes the Best Bond...
View ArticleSix Chambers
SAN DIEGO, CA – On a late spring day in 2001 my sister’s drug-dealing ex-boyfriend crashed the pool party she was throwing at our house in the suburbs and shot two people on our front porch. He used a...
View ArticleWhy I’m Allergic to Mint
SAN FRANCISCO, CA- I used to tell people the simple truth: that I just don’t like mint. The ensuing conversation was never simple. “What? Wait—you mean, like, mint, like the leaf?” “Yes.” “How can...
View ArticleUnbreakable
BROOKLYN, NY - When I was four, a bottler rocket blew up in my face. When I was ten, I swan-dived into the street, knocking out a tooth and damaging the cartilage in my nose. Over the course of my...
View ArticleMy Siamese Twin
SARASOTA, FL- This has been what I call the Year of Ice. Colder than a shaved polar bear. Sayonara 2009. It’s been a year of pills, pills and more pills, until finally I seem to have reached some kind...
View ArticleThe Dark Undone
LOS ANGELES— The thought came to me when I was fifteen and trying to sleep on New Year’s Eve. Nothing I recall had happened to incite it. I’d spent the night babysitting my younger siblings while my...
View ArticleAdd Intensity, Subtract Limpness
SAN FRANCISCO, CA- The other day I was walking down Market Street, enjoying a rare day of calm winds and clear, sunny skies, when a stranger approached me. His hair was brown and coarse, like...
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